Operation Torpedo
by LaurielS
Summary: "Are you out of your corn-fed mind?" Leonard McCoy was a doctor, dammit, not a torpedo technician. And things, as with all things involving J. T. Kirk, are about to go wrong... Sets in Star Trek: Into Darkness, so obviously spoiler alert! Features the triumvirate, but also other crew members who happen to be at the scene at the moment.
1. Chapter 1

**Operation Torpedo**

Author's Note: Ah, I don't really know how to continue the other story... so I distracted myself by writing another one. Ooops. Hope you like this little one!

Oh, and spoilers alert!

Disclaimer: Not mine. At all.

 **Chapter 1**

Kirk had been happily on the bridge bouncing his ideas off Spock when a rather disgruntled McCoy arrived on the bridge. What made Kirk realise McCoy's entrance however, was not so much that he saw him, but…

"Are you out of your corn-fed mind?" came McCoy's angry outburst.

Kirk sighed.

"You're not actually going to listen to this guy?" continued McCoy, oblivious to Kirk's thoughts. "He killed Pike. He almost killed you. And now you think it's a good idea to pop open a torpedo because he DARED you to."

"Why did he save our lives, Bones?"

"The Doctor does have a point, Captain," Spock countered evenly.

Spock is agreeing with him? The planets of their solar system must be aligned.

"Don't agree with me, Spock. It makes me very uncomfortable," _not to say unnatural._

"Perhaps you too should learn to govern your emotions, Doctor. In this situation, logic dictates."

"Logic? Oh my God!" McCoy huffed, "There's a maniac trying to make us blow up our own damn ship and you talk about logic?"

"That's not it," Jim could feel all eyes on him suddenly but continued on, "I don't know why he surrendered, but that's not it. Look, we're going to open a torpedo. The question is how."

"But Jim, without Mr Scott on board, who exactly is qualified to just pop open a four ton stick of dynamite?"

"The Admiral's daughter appeared to have an interest in the torpedoes, and she is a weapons specialist," as usual, Spock had a counter to his question, "Perhaps she could be of some use."

"What Admiral's daughter?" asked Kirk, clearly confused.

"Carol Marcus. Your new science officer concealed her identity to board the ship."

"When were you going to tell me that?"

 _How the hell did he know should be the question_ , thought McCoy, _someone must have been doing some hacking._

"When it became relevant," came Spock's reply, face as impassive as ever, "as it just did."

McCoy could swear that Spock's face quirked a little, as if trying not to laugh.

Damn Vulcan.

* * *

It turns out, apart from the planets being aligned, an asteroid must have hit one of the planets and changed his luck too, because the peace and quiet he had (if Enterprise's MedBay can ever be considered such) was quickly robbed away when Kirk suggested that the Enterprise's CMO was capable of operating on a bloody torpedo. McCoy obviously objected vehemently ( "I'm a doctor, not a torpedo technician!"), but he knew he stood no chance when the Vulcan and the Captain teamed up against him.

 _So much for being a good doctor in Starfleet_ , he thought, as he took the shuttle with Dr Marcus onto the remote planet. He was sure operating on a torpedo had not been part of his MD degree, and it was definitely not part of his CMO job requirements.

McCoy wondered briefly if his counterpart in the other universe ever operated on a torpedo, before remembering Ambassador Spock saying something about some last minute modifications as well as applying cement to a silicon based life form over an extremely lengthy conversation they had (when he was introduced to Romulan ale, but of course no one needed to know that).

Guess Spock and Jim Kirk are constant thorns in his side regardless of parallel universes.

McCoy was still thinking about parallel universes and ways to torture Kirk with hypos when the shuttle slowed to a stop and his comm beeped. He punched the communicator button with slightly more force than necessary as he helped to unload the tools for the operation.

"Bones, thanks for helping out. Doctor Marcus asked for the steadiest hands on the ship."

"You know, when I dreamt about being stuck on a deserted planet with a gorgeous woman, there was no torpedo!"

"Doctor McCoy, may I remind you, you are not there to flirt."

McCoy thought of all the escapades Kirk had and decided what a hypocrite he was.

"So how can these legendary hands help you, Doctor Marcus?"

"Bones…" he could almost hear Kirk rolling his eyes.

Yeah, riling Jim up was as fun as annoying the green-blooded walking computer.

* * *

"Doctor McCoy, there's a bundle of fibre optic cables against the inner casing. You'll need to cut the twenty third wire down. Whatever you do, do not touch anything else. Do you understand?

McCoy looked into the tiny opening and positioned his left hand accordingly.

"Right. The thought never crossed my mind." As if dying by space anomalies wasn't enough already, his life had to be threatened by operating on an unknown, live torpedo.

"Doctor McCoy, wait for my word. I'm rerouting the detonation processor. Are you ready?"

"And raring."

He took a deep breath, steadied his left hand and made the cut. The torpedo seemed to vibrate a little, but before he could react, the door smashed closed. Blinding pain cut through his arm as he heard the tell-tale crush of the bone and it took all his concentration to not shout in pain. Numbness crept through his arm, and he suddenly couldn't feel his fingers.

 _Shit_.

"What the hell happened? I can't get my arm out!"

"Doctor Marcus," he heard Kirk's barely suppressed worry through the comm, "Can you disarm it?"

McCoy would have laughed at the pun if the situation wasn't so damn desperate.

"I'm trying. I'm trying," came Marcus' professional voice as she hurried to the other side of the torpedo.

Thirty seconds. What are the chances they would be able to disarm a torpedo when they couldn't do it before, after hours of planning on board and analysis the torpedo on the planet?

"Jim, get her the hell out of here."

"No!" she shouted adamantly, "if you beam me back, he dies! Just let me do it!"

He didn't doubt her capabilities, but given the current scenario...

"Ten."

He saw her unscrew the compartment, studying the device.

"Nine."

There wasn't enough time.

"Eight."

He would love to live… but eight seconds to save a life? Worth it. A pity though, Jim… Jim would definitely need to find a new CMO, and Spock, Spock would need to find another verbal sparring partner to bring the humanity out of him.

"Four."

Would he be able to see Joanna again and tell her he loves her?

"Three."

"Shit!" he heard Marcus' shout and saw her pull out the controls. Instinct told him to scream at her, that it was a stupid thing to do because now the torpedo will explode and she will die too…

But the timer stopped and the door opened.

 _What's happening…_

Before he could voice that question however, his arm screamed in pain as blood once again coursed through his vessels. He was secretly thankful for the pain, however, as it meant that his arm was not totally destroyed and could still be functional in the future. He seemed to hear Kirk say something over the comm but he couldn't focus. He could, however, see a man lying frozen in the cryotube.

He shook his head, but it was not a hallucination.

"Bones!"

 _Well that was loud and clear._

"Jim?" he replied weakly, cradling his arm and edging towards the torpedo, "You're going to want to see this…"

"Dr McCoy," cut in Carol quietly, ignoring the annoyance McCoy flashed in her direction, "you need to beam back to the MedBay."

"Don't you worry darlin'," joked McCoy, his eyebrows raising suggestively, "it's just a simple fracture," he finished, although his accent was thicker than usual.

"Uh huh, continue with the flirting and see if I will dis-arm you fully," came her reply, her eyes flashing with annoyance although her worry was clear as she examined the arm from a distance, "you need to beam back to the MedBay, Doctor, or you might lose your arm."

"It'll be fine—and I'm a doctor, so don't you worry."

Marcus was about to say something when the comm beeped again. "Proximity beaming, Mr Scott," McCoy heard Kirk's voice over Carol's comm, "and to the MedBay."

McCoy didn't think he would ever be this happy for his atoms to be disassembled and beamed back into the flying tin can.

* * *

Once they reached the MedBay, McCoy barked orders for a coolant as he reached for his tablet to scan the frozen Augment for any injuries. At Chapel's insistence, a quick splint was made and tied to his arm with a few bandages, and he barely noticed as a sling was fitted over his arm as he did a more in depth analysis of the person in front of him. All too soon, the door whistled to announce the entrance of Kirk, with Spock a step behind him.

"What have we got?" Jim asked, looking down into the cryotube. He did not miss the rough bandage and makeshift splint over Bones' left arm, and that his face was paler than what he had seen through the screen.

"It's quite clever actually," Marcus replied with a hint of amazement, "The fuel container's been removed from the torpedo and retrofitted to hide this cryotube."

"Is he alive?"

"He's alive." _Ergh, why is the MedBay so cold?_ "But it we try to revive him without the proper sequencing, it could kill him. This technology's beyond me."

"How advanced, Doctor?"

"It's not advanced," answered Marcus quickly as she glanced at the exhausted doctor, "That cryotube is ancient."

"We haven't needed to freeze anyone since we developed warp capability, which explains the most interesting thing about our friend here," McCoy said, although each word seemed to take a lot of effort, "He's three hundred years old."

McCoy shivered.

"Bones, you alright?"

"Yeah, just MedBay's a little cold at the moment."

He saw Kirk exchange glances with Spock. That never boded well for their subject of interest.

"Er… your arm is swelling," said Jim, pointing in his direction, "And MedBay isn't colder than usual."

"Jim, I'm fine," _okay, maybe just a bit faint._

"I must agree with the Captain, Doctor. Your arm has swelled about 10.5% since we entered the MedBay, and the MedBay temperature is strictly regulated."

"Spock, I—" he turned to look at his arm.

It was indeed swelling and rapidly turning into an angry purple colour.

Brachial artery rupture. And he was rapidly losing the adrenaline he had earlier.

"Damn—"

And then he knew no more.

 **-To be continued-**

I hope you caught and liked the puns. Oh, and reviews and comments are much loved!


	2. Chapter 2

**Operation Torpedo**

Author's note: Thank you very much to all those who reviewed :) it really made my week! This story honestly wasn't meant to be very long, so here's the second chapter. Ah, and I think its rather obvious that I am neither a professional writer nor a medic, so if there are any mistakes please do tell me! I'm trying to improve too haha.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything as usual.

 **Chapter 2**

"Bones!" Kirk cried sharply just as Spock rushed and caught the doctor before he hit the floor. Jim quickly went up and helped to support McCoy at his injured side, careful to avoid damaging the arm further. Together, both of them helped McCoy up a biobed, which lit up and whirred in response, indicating that something was drastically wrong with the bed's occupant.

Kirk held his best friend tighter.

"We know, we know!" Kirk heard Chapel's hurried shout behind him, "Alice! Get Geoff and tell him he's needed for an emergency operation!"

He saw the said new nurse nod and hurry away as Chapel got ready to push the bed into the operation theatre.

"Sorry Captain and Mr Spock, we need to operate immediately. If you please…"

"Yeah, sure," said Jim, as he hurried out of the way, giving McCoy's uninjured shoulder a quick squeeze before withdrawing. "Oh and Christine?"

Chapel whipped her head around as she and a few other nurses got the surgical tools and operation theatre ready. He saw that she was in the midst of ordering a few units of blood and preparing lines and felt himself tearing.

"Make him better, please."

 _I almost lost him earlier._

The countdown flashed again and again in his mind.

 _Don't make me lose him now._

"Of course, Captain. He's our CMO."

With that, Jim was left to watch his best friend being wheeled into the operation theatre just as Spock did the same, his right hand slowly clenching into a fist.

* * *

When Geoffrey M'Benga got down to the operation theatre, the last thing he was expecting to hear was that their CMO had, under the good Captain's insistence, worked on a live torpedo, crushed his arm and was apparently bleeding out, all in a matter of a few hours and without notifying him.

"Is he out of his mind?!" he huffed, as he scrubbed himself up for the operation.

"That's what Leonard said, though in less welcoming terms," said Christine dryly.

"That's one of the most terrible ideas the Captain has come up with so far, although I won't challenge him on that," at this, Christine chuckled, "What've we got?"

"The brachial artery has ruptured, possibly due to bone fragments from a humerus fracture."

These cases had been rare in the twenty first century and almost unheard of in this century due to the invention of a portable bone repair machine that could immobilise the arm fully to prevent bone shards from hitting the artery whilst the machine worked at regenerating parts of the bone until a surgery can be scheduled. An additional improvement in the recent few years managed to make the machine smaller so that the hand can still be used whilst still ensuring that the arm does not move too much to prevent further damage. Yet, the fact that McCoy was now lying in the operation theatre clearly meant that…

"And let me guess—Leonard didn't think to check himself out first."

"Really Geoff, are you that surprised?"

M'Benga entered the theatre and looked at the unconscious form on the bed whose whole arm was now swelling and purple.

"No, I'm not," he said softly.

The operation theatre light turned red.

* * *

"Captain, I must insist that you cease wasting your energy and pacing around," said Spock, as he came out of meditation about two hours later.

"Can't help it, Spock, if I don't I'll go crazy. What's taking them so long?"

"I believe the operation may take a few hours as an artery may have ruptured," at this, Kirk's eyes widened, "However, I expect a 95% chance of success and full recovery using current technology."

Kirk ran his hand over his face as he threw himself onto the waiting chair. "Really?"

"Yes Captain. I took some medical classes in Starfleet, with a particular slant towards trauma injuries and emergency medicine."

"Oh." Kirk was pretty sure he took some medical classes as well because he was too bored, but could not for his life remember what was taught during those classes apart from basic medical training which he had to master.

Kirk started pacing again.

"Captain, please. It is most distracting—"

Suddenly, the operation theatre lights went off, signifying the end of the operation. A moment later, Geoffrey M'Benga appeared and soon found himself confronted by two anxious (yes, Spock too) superior officers.

"How's Bones?"

"He's fine, with all 206 bones in the body now intact. We got all the shards out and the arm is healing nicely. A couple of hours with the bone regenerator and he'll be as good as new."

"Oh thank god." He caught a glimpse of McCoy in the operation theatre, still unmoving. "You sure about that?" he asked softly, almost as an afterthought.

"Yes Captain," came Dr M'Benga's patient voice, "You'll serve the ship better if you go and question John Harrison right now rather than just stand here waiting. I'll let you know once the anaesthesia wears off."

Kirk nodded and walked away, motioning Spock to follow him. Spock gave one look at the operation theatre and looked at M'Benga (which totally did not say take-care-of-him-or-face-the-consequences because Vulcans have no emotions) before following in step behind the Captain.

"No feelings indeed," muttered M'Benga good naturedly before he went to update McCoy's medical records.

* * *

"Doctor, are you awake?"

"Hnnrggh… Spock?"

 _Really, the first person he'll see when he wakes up is the hobgoblin?_

"Hey, Bones."

 _Oh, at least Jim is here as well._

He almost fell back to sleep when he felt someone place a hand over him and seemed to be examining his arm. He flicked the annoyance away with his right hand.

"Am fine…"

"Sure you are, Bones. You look like your arm just got snapped by a Gorn."

 _That_ caught his attention. His eyes snapped open in response.

"Pot. Kettle. Black," he rasped as he struggled to sit up. Kirk quickly helped him up as he continued grumbling. "How many pub brawls did you come back lookin' like that?" he swallowed, and gladly accepted some water. This action made him move his arm unconsciously, however, and he was startled at its stiffness.

"My arm…"

"Yeah its fine. Apparently a bone shard penetrated the artery, but M'Benga managed to stop you from bleeding out. Also thank god we didn't have to regrow a whole new bone for you."

"Bone, huh. Must be the curse of the nickname you gave me."

An indignant protest. "Hey, I'm very good with nicknames!"

"Doctor," Spock's logical voice cut in, "I do not believe it is good for your blood pressure to spike so soon after you've woken up."

The pressure monitor squeaked in response.

"Yeah, yer heard that Jim?"

"You're agreeing with Spock? I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"Must be the anaesthesia."

"Indeed, Doctor."

"Huh, we are agreeing twice. I must be outta my mind," McCoy muttered, "whatever did M'Benga put into my system…"

"Just some happy drugs," he heard said man's voice and proceeded to glare at him. M'Benga, however, was not intimidated and continued, "now you just stay here and allow the regenerator to do its work."

"Yeah of course. I'm not Jim Kirk…" he muttered under his breath. Kirk decided that glaring at an injured man who had been bleeding out just hours earlier would not be a very nice thing to do.

"No, but all three of you should stop inviting danger," said Chapel, _who had slowly been influenced by McCoy's sass_ , reflected Kirk.

"Hey!" cried Kirk and McCoy. Spock merely raised an eyebrow at her.

Chapel raised an eyebrow back in response, took a couple of readings and left with M'Benga, leaving the three dumbfounded.

"Borderin' on insubordination," grumbled McCoy as he tried raising his arm again and ensuring that his hand was still steady.

"I heard that!"

"Then quit evesdroppin'!"

Kirk smirked as Spock's eyebrows disappeared into his hair, but sobered up again when McCoy's face turned solemn.

"Jim, I'm gonna have to analyse Khan's blood further. Might be important in understanding this entire situation."

"Indeed, Doctor. That would be a wise thing to do."

"Don't agree with me you corn—f – I mean, plomeek eating Vulcan!"

"Really, Doctor."

"Oh, quit it I'm on happy drugs."

As Spock gave what was equivalent to a Vulcan eye roll, Kirk burst out laughing and slapped Spock on the shoulder, earning a raised eyebrow from said Vulcan. At that moment, he knew that the remaining journey was going to be a blast, and that the three of them would annihilate any obstacles in front of them, because unlike Khan, they had a friendship that he wouldn't trade anything for.

 **-End-**

Okay that's all with the puns. Reviews and comments pleaseeee!


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